OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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