Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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