u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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