This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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