I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
