Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
