I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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