Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
