but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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