I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Someone signed my nipple.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize