You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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