eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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