Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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