A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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