i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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