what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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