Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
