Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize