so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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