do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
