My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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