my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
