There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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