She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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