Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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