Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize