They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
