He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
