I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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