I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
