Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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