just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
