my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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