we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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