You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
