hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
