I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
