Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
