There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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