dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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