yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
