I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
