fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
