Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize