So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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