i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Less talking, more tequila
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
