Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
