dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
