I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
