Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I want her autograph on my taint
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
