Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
