When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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