apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
