Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
