we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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