we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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