you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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