Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
