he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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