I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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