The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
