i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
