As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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