are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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