no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think I won the penis lottery.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
