from now on my penis is your penis
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
