i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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