i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
