Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
