I wannas sexs uuuuu
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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