he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
