This is not my ceiling
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
